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The Big Myth About Love
With
Valentine’s Day approaching, we’re all surrounded by
media messages about Love.
Love is marketed to us as the key to happiness, a good
relationship, a successful marriage. All we need is Cupid on our
side. But does Love truly make
the world go ‘round?
THE
LOVE MYTH:
Love is
generally accepted to be the greatest thing in the world. We all crave it. We all seek it. We believe it will truly make us
happy. We believe it
guarantees happiness in marriage.
Marriages filled with love are the best marriages, right?
TRUST
Well, as
important as love is, it may not be sufficient to keep a marriage (or
any relationship) happy. My work
with hundreds of couples during the past 15 years suggests Trust is
really the key ingredient in happy marriages and other successful
relationships.
Trust is confidence in the truthfulness, integrity and dependability
of the other person. When we
trust someone, we count on them being there
for us no matter what. We
count on them financially, in a medical crisis, when we’re
frightened or overwhelmed, when we fall flat on our face, when others
have abandoned us.
RELATIONSHIPS RISE AND FALL ON TRUST:
Like
mountain climbers tethered to a rope, couples succeed or fail as a
team. Trusting the reliability
of your climbing partner is more important than loving who they
are. Good intentions, sex
appeal, an engaging personality are not sufficient to survive
life’s challenges on the mountain of marriage. If one partner slips, he or she is
counting on the other partner to hold fast; otherwise the marital team
may be lost. That’s
Trust, not Love..
ALL
RELATIONSHIPS NEED TRUST:
We expect to be able to count on the other person in our marriage;
but, also in our relationships with our parents, our siblings, our
friends. Any relationship we
value requires Trust.
WHEN
TRUST IS LOST:
When Trust is broken, it is hard to rebuild. It has to be earned. It takes both partners working
together to rebuild Trust.
That is where many couples struggle and look for help and I
meet them. They believe Love
has been lost, when actually, Trust has been lost
BACK
TO CUPID:
The Beatles assure us “All you need is Love….. Love….. Love is all you need.” Sorry, John, Paul, George & Ringo, Love is truly important, but Trust is what
makes or breaks relationships.
But Love and Trust are intertwined.
When we truly Trust someone, we tend to feel Love for them. Lose the Trust, and Love is
jeopardized. We suddenly feel
alone, untethered. That is why it is so important to
rebuild Trust when it is lost.
As
songwriter Bill Withers offers “Lean on me…when
you’re not strong…..I’ll be your
friend…..I’ll help you carry on.” Regain Trust by making good on your
promises, by truly being there for the other person and Love returns.
HAPPY
VALENTINE’S DAY!
